Finally, an Understandable
Explanation of Derivative
Markets...
Heidi is the
proprietor of a bar in Detroit. In order to
increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers
-- most of whom are unemployed alcoholics -- to drink
now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks
consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers
loans).
Word gets around about Heidi's
drink now pay later marketing strategy and as a
result, increasing numbers of customers
flood into Heidi's bar and soon she has the largest sale
volume for any bar in Detroit.
By providing her customers'
freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi
gets no resistance when she substantially increases her
prices for wine and beer, the most consumed
beverages. Her sales volume increases
massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the
local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable
future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue
concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as
collateral.
At the bank's corporate
headquarters, expert traders transform these
customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.
These securities are then traded on security markets
worldwide.
Naive investors don't really understand
the securities being sold to them as AAA secured
bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics (However, the brokers understand it, the
government understands it and has knowingly
eliminated regulations that would prevent this because the
politicians are profiting from it. The banks know it
just as 'Heidi' knows it and the appraisers
bribed to inflate 'values' and those bribed to rate the
'pukebond' AAA when it was actually subpuke all
understand what they are doing; this is the biggest heist in
history....and we haven't seen it all yet; not by a long
shot.....). Nevertheless, their prices continuously
climb, and the securities become the top-selling items for
some of the nation's leading brokerage houses who collect
enormous fees on their sales, pay extravagant
bonuses to their sales force, and who in turn purchase
exotic sports cars and multimillion dollar
condominiums.
One day,
although the bond prices are still climbing,
a risk manager at the bank (subsequently
fired due his negativity), decides that the time has
come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers
at Heidi's bar.
Heidi demands
payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed
they cannot pay back their drinking
debts. Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan
obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by
90%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price
after dropping by 80%. The decreased
bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and
prevents it from issuing new loans.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having
granted her generous payment extensions and having
invested in the securities are faced with writing
off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds. Her wine
supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken
over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local
plant and lays off 50 workers.
The bank and brokerage houses are
saved by the Government following dramatic
round-the-clock negotiations by
leaders from both political parties.
The funds required for this bailout are obtained
by a tax levied on employed middle-class
non-drinkers.
Now
this is an explanation we can all understand! Welcome
to the world of high finance...
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